Monday, July 5, 2010

Live-Tweeting QVC: An Intimate Evening with the Quacker Factory

Last night, at around 11pm CST, I decided to devote 30 minutes of my life to Quality, Value, and Convenience. I didn't know which channel would best suit these three immediate values. There must be one, I thought, that encompassed those three ideas. Fortunately, my lack of cable provided a lake-wave to channel surf, and what luck! I landed at QVC, the greatest and single longest infomercial in television, nay, human, history.

I also had with me a computer, TweetDeck, and my wits about me.

Lovely readers, I offer you the live-tweeting of QVC of Monday, July 5th, 2010. Enjoy.

perhaps I should live-tweet like, 20 mins of QVC
4:59 PM Jul 5th

right now: "Quacker Factory" selling zip front cardigans. named after a duck that makes cardigans?
Mon Jul 5 22:48:02 2010

selling fast! get your rhinestone zip front cardigans for a steal: $55!
Mon Jul 5 22:48:40 2010

"jean" from quacker factory wearing some kind of rhinestone bandana. going into battle? a battle for rhinestone duck prowess?
Mon Jul 5 22:49:34 2010
"jean" also has the word "dream" sitting in front of her. am I dreaming, or is there actually a "quaker factory" that exists?
Mon Jul 5 22:50:46 2010

are rhinestones actual mineral deposits? if so, they must be quite plentiful
Mon Jul 5 22:51:33 2010

"the nautical theme is always appropriate" says jean
Mon Jul 5 22:54:54 2010

growing up in a town with a lighthouse makes you feel nautical and "yahtzee"
Mon Jul 5 22:55:17 2010

jean assures us that the oil on the beaches is really not a problem. thanks jean
Mon Jul 5 22:55:44 2010

pink palm tree cardigan features trees whose bark just happens to turn yellow at the nipples. coincidence or fate?
Mon Jul 5 22:58:02 2010

the days pass so quickly on QVC! "today's special value" occurs at least four times an hour
Mon Jul 5 22:59:02 2010
hour 1 of quacker factory complete. next, time eternal!
Mon Jul 5 22:59:57 2010

V-neck rhinestone cardigan looks like you were eating lots of rhinestones and the cardigan is your bib
Mon Jul 5 23:00:42 2010

matching hoodie for stalkers who dig rhinestones
Mon Jul 5 23:02:09 2010

"angel"! you can wear it with the white pants! awesome!
Mon Jul 5 23:03:53 2010

"a quacker sweater" sounds like a sex position
Mon Jul 5 23:04:35 2010

machine wash, tumble dry comes with its own dance
Mon Jul 5 23:05:06 2010

what is the deal with jean's rhinestone headdress, seriously????
Mon Jul 5 23:05:32 2010

"a t-shirt price in quacker world" I'd love to live in quacker world
Mon Jul 5 23:07:33 2010

yeah, these outfits would fit right in at a packer game...good call jean
Mon Jul 5 23:08:30 2010

the prettiness of every woman is from the boobs up? oh, i beg to differ, jean
Mon Jul 5 23:09:47 2010

dammit, angel! who asked you anything? speak when spoken to!
Mon Jul 5 23:10:41 2010

shopping to the next level: don't just shop, Q.
Mon Jul 5 23:13:19 2010

wondering if quacker factory can retrofit my hoodies with rhinestones
Mon Jul 5 23:15:10 2010

honestly barbara, chill out about being able to put this shit in the washing's pretty standard for clothing
Mon Jul 5 23:17:21 2010

jean says she looks dorky with her hood up. but not incredibly weird with a fucking rhinestone war bandana
Mon Jul 5 23:17:57 2010

16,000 ordered already. quacker factory is making bank tonight
Mon Jul 5 23:19:08 2010

quacker factory offers a white t shirt. innovative design ideas from an innovative company. that is soooo quacker factory
Mon Jul 5 23:21:13 2010

how can you pass up a product called, "embellished scallop ham crop pants"?
Mon Jul 5 23:23:10 2010

sparser is not a word, barbara. look at the dictionary...holy shit! it is now! the omnipotence of "quacker factory!"
Mon Jul 5 23:25:09 2010

Light navy has sold out! kelly green is last call! what will the world do?!?
Mon Jul 5 23:29:09 2010

jean claims she has offered her first-born child to provide us with today's special value. I believe that child is worth 2x $16.42.
Mon Jul 5 23:30:32 2010

what's the currency exchange between a price and a QVC price?
Mon Jul 5 23:31:32 2010

jean introduces the dichotomy of "virginal quackers" and "closet quackers". as a writer, I want her brain, so so bad.
Mon Jul 5 23:32:03 2010

conversation has swerved to jean's workout regimen: "paddle from one side of the pool to the other." off-topic, for realz.
Mon Jul 5 23:33:46 2010

a quacker factory shirt provides deep cover for inert gym-goers
Mon Jul 5 23:34:55 2010

jean: don't let that kid from minnesota bother you. barb: he's serious! jean: poppycock! he talks a big game."
Mon Jul 5 23:35:54 2010

Thanks for reading today, and please enjoy

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